BY MARTHA BROCKENBROUGH
It's not just in your head. There really is a bumper crop of baby bumps out there, from the famously fertile, like Heidi Klum, who's flirting with her fourth set of stretch marks in five years, to the infamous Nadya "Octomom" Suleman, who earlier this year bore eight babies at once even though she already had six other kids at home that she could barely afford to take care of.
In 2007 alone, American women birthed more than 4.3 million babies—the highest number ever. More than a quarter of those were to women having their third or fourth child, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. And despite the infertility freak-out the entire country seems to be currently engaged in, only a small number of these babies—perhaps 100,000—resulted from medical interventions such as in vitro fertilization, says Jamie Grifo, M. D., Ph. D., director of the division of reproductive endocrinology at the NYU School of Medicine.
That doesn't mean that we're transforming into a nation of Duggars (the Arkansas family with 18 kids often seen announcing their latest conception on NBC's Today show) and Novogratzes (the New York City clan of seven kids soon to be the focus of a new Bravo reality show)—the average number of children per American family is still hovering right around two. Still, certain mothers, like 31-year-old Meagan Francis, who is raising her flock of five in Michigan, have big broods because that's what they're used to. "I grew up in a relatively large family and always loved having lots of people around," she says. "So it's natural that I'd try to re-create that experience with my own family."
But it's not always quite so simple, psychologists say. Some women may like being pregnant a little too much, often driven to rapidly reproduce out of insecurity, a craving for attention, or feelings of abandonment by their own parents.
I'm with LLSBABYGIRL on this one. Before I was diagnosed with a unicornuate uterus at 25 I endured 5 miscarriages and 1 still birth, and ultimately the failure of my marriage. You better believe that if I were to ever get pregnant again (with the aid of in-vitro to ensure a viable placement) I will be eating up the attention. That said, this 'infertility freak-out' is largely caused by the ability to diagnose fertility issues. The choice of wording is poor, agreed, but how many first time mothers who don't conceive within the first 3 months of trying don't wonder if something is wrong and decide to get checked out? It's only natural to ease your worries and be seen by a fertility specialist, thus the increase. I am truly sorry for women who can't conceive, carry, and give birth, and I feel for you, but that doesn't mean the reproductively blessed should be a victim of your anger. And mothers shouldn't be so hard on the enraged infertile. Think about how you would feel if you were told that you couldn't have kids. Anger is a natural part of the grieving process, and yes, we grieve over the children that will never be able to have.
It's ridiculous that a pregnant mother should feel guilty or even try to hide her belly because other women cant conceive. Then no one should drive in expensive cars because not everyone can afford them, nor should people wear brand name clothing because not everyone can afford it. Heck, no one should have a home, because it is throwing it in the face of all those americans who are loosing their home. That would def make this a better place right?? This reasoning is absurd.
Pretty much everything that I would've said about this article and comments has already been stated, but I did feel the need to comment on MB121. I really do feel sympathetic towards women dealing with infertility issues (I have given birth to 2 children, one of which passed away 3 years ago at the age of 5 1/2 years, my other son is 5 years old and I have finally decided to try for another child), and due to severe Endometriosis, I am now facing possible infertility issues of my own. That being said, if I'm able to get pregnant again, I will be even more excited and grateful to experience pregnancy and shouldn't feel like I'm trying to throw it in other people's faces because I'm enjoying my pregnancy. You say that pregnant women are insensitive towards the infertile, but if an infertile woman is able to get pregnant, do you think that she would hide her stomach so as not to offend others? I'm pretty sure she would be thrilled and want to let everyone know of her pregnancy and experience all of the joys of being pregnant, including rubbing her belly and having others fuss over her. What would you say to her about her actions?
I ask for people to consider that this article speaks of a very specific situation and is not meant for you to look at yourself and think "gawd, am I a bumpaholic??" chances are that if you were, you'd already know. Many women like the attention of being pregnant, doesn't make them a "bumpaholic", getting pregnant for the attention etc. does. I also think that this article could just as easily have been written about the number of teenagers who are mimicking the celebs by having children of their own when they are still themselves kids. Brockenbrough also argues that there is a strong physiological drive going on as well, just as one might get addicted to the "high" of working out excessively. Although the wording about keeping our instincts in check is a bit ... well, offensive to some who may assume she is speaking to any mom of more than 2, perhaps she is speaking about falling prey to the physiological drives.
"Are you having them because you don't want to deal with your husband? Or so you don't have to go back to work? Or because you love the attention? Nadya Suleman, for one, is blunt about the fact that she got pregnant to fulfill an emotional need. As she reportedly told one journalist, "I just longed for certain attachments with another person that I really lacked."" p.3
I don't think that Brockenbrough intended to dismiss those who are unable to conceive but to instead say that given how much attention is paid to infertility, it is puzzling that not more attention is paid to the opposite. Infertility effects us emotionally, so does being pregnant, Brockenbrough argues, and we need to be aware of ourselves no matter what. We make sure we are not being selfish when we bring another life into this world.
Plus, this is not a scholarly article it is written to entertain to a certain degree.
I am a mother of one, and you know what, when I was pregnant i was proud. I wasn't flauntinmg, but why should I have to hide away. i am happy and proud, I am not rubbing it in anyones face, but honestly, people should be able to be happy about their children and pregnancies. Sorry for people who have infertility issues, but I should be able to be happy about my life and not worry about what other people think.
When I got married 20 yrs ago I wanted to have kids. Three years into the marriage we found out he was sterile. I wanted to AI he did not. I stayed with him even though I still have the same burning desire to have children. Yes, I still cry all of the time. More so now that I'm getting older. Should I have divorce him years ago? For better or worse. What plan does God has for me.
Yes, I went to see a therapies that was a big wast of time and money. Sure my sister have kids but they live 300 miles away. Ages from 3-25.
What I see today people with no money or education having kids. Letting the kids boss the parients around. No matter what we do in life we ask our selfs have we made the right discions.
Hey ladies; having a baby is supposed to be the choice of both the husband and wife. In this declining economy, and the possibility that my son could lose his job, my son and daughter-in-law agreed not to have anymore kids at this stime. They already have 3 kids. Apparently, my daughter-in-law wanted more children now, so lured him into bed after months of depriving him of any attention (including sex), then, when she knew she was ovulating and had stopped taking the pill, she became pregnant despite anyway. Beautiful baby girl was born last summer but my son had a vasectomy after the baby was born (yes, my daughter-in-law knew because she had to sign the papers approving it), then she promptly lost all of her fat and had an affair with a guy from her gym, who had not had a vasectomy. She is pregnant with his child now, my son and she are divorced, and the father-to-be is refusing to leave his wife for my daughter-in-law. In fact, he questions whether it is his, since in his own words, "she is just a whore." Those of you bashing the author may have stable relationships with mutual trust in your marriage – how lucky you are; just thought you should consider an issue that is clearly becoming common enough
• How dare you make such an important decision into a ridiculous addiction theory? All you are doing is giving some insecure women the idea to have a baby to make themselves feel better, and making intelligent, thinking women that want a large family look like unthinking idiots. How dare you? What we are experiencing now is a Baby Boom, just like we have before in this country. I notice that you offer up no concrete evidence to this effect. If there are women that are having babies to silence insecurities they may have, they are certainly not the majority. You should be ashamed of yourselves for irresponsibly making it seem as if most pregnant women are that way simply because they want to feel good about themselves. That in itself sets the woman's movement back about 50 years.
•
Really, the entire country seems to be engaged in an "infertility freak-out?" Perhaps you should do your job and research such statements before writing them. Do you know anything about infertility? Do you know anything about the causes or the statistics? Do you have any sensitivity for those who suffer from infertility? Obviously not, or you wouldn't have used such a cold and callous phrase. I'm appalled.
I work for a TV show that's looking for "bumpaholics." If you know one, send me an email: kevin.hurley@cbs.com
Unless you have suffered from infertility, you have no idea what it is like. the phrase "infertility freak out" is so horrible. Can you imagine using the phrase "breast cancer freak out?" Shame on you for making infertility seem like it is in our heads. Shame on your for minimizing the pain of infertility. I belong to a number of infertility suppot groups. Rest assured I will pass this article on.
MB121...... I am sorry if you have infertility issues. But come on. If you didn't would you feel you shouldn't have more than 2 children or enjoy it because you're neighbor can't get preg. And on my 7th child we have a much stronger marriage than most of those with 0-3 kids. Again it's where your priorities lie!!
Your article described a good friend of mine with scary acuracy. I've always had a number of question marks running through my head when it came to her need not to have children, but to be pregnant with them. Thank God she has a husband that takes care of her 3 children when the full time nanny isn't there, even though she doesn't work and has a housekeeper who also takes care of her house. I'm forwarding the article to her husband and hopefully she will be able to start to figure out what she needs to become happy with herself.
I have two children. I am a full time student and a stay at home mom. I take my children to the zoo and talk with other moms. I enjoyed being pregnant and was very comfortable in my body. That doesn't mean that I don't understand there are couples that can't conceive, and that doesn't mean that I am doing it for attention. I want my children to learn new things and to socialize with other kids, and I want to be able to socialize with other adults. When someone is having difficulties with conceiving, I understand it can be difficult to see a pregnant women "flaunting" her belly or see a mother with her children, but I don't think any of us should have to hide out and stay in our homes so that we can avoid looking like attention getters.
Good article, some very true points. Until reading the posts below I never realized some people are so bitter towards pregnant women- WOW. Ever thought that you would not be gracing us with your presence if someone had not endured the 9 long months? I agree that there are women out there who get pregnant for the wrong reasons but it is not the norm by any means. My husband and I gave having a baby a great deal of thought. Having a child should enhance an already happy, fulfilled life not provide a sense of "purpose". Did I feel special while pregnant? You're damn right! I felt beautiful (most days), has pampered by my husband and could not wait to be a mother. We are now grateful for our healthy baby girl who we will raise to be a strong, independent woman. Motherhood is no walk in the park and should not be underestimated as a way to seek attention. Furthermore, the human race has to continue some how, right? Who's going to feed and change YOUR diapers when your 93? Harboring nasty feelings towards pregnant women in general is pretty wacked out.
"Bumpaholics" now? How about biological imperative? Yes, we need to use our brains to keep nature from running amok. So why don't you pick on the Catholics, mormons and other pregnancy pushing religions.
I will be one of the first to admit the I LOVED being pregnant. It was one of the few times in my life when I haven't felt like I needed to hide my body (I have always been a little on the chubby side) and I can definitely understand how women can get hooked on it. That being said, I think that the media plays a large role in how "serious" this issue is. Pregnancy would seem a lot less glamorous if the media would stop covering every aspect of a celebrities upcoming child.
As for the "attention getting nature of pregnant women"... I definitely don't think that most women get pregnant as a way of getting attention. Nor do I think most of us use our children to purposely get attention when we are out. A mother with children is often too busy to care or sometimes even notice whether she is the center of attention. I for one am slightly uncomfortable and impatient when some stranger comes up to us in the store and wants to gush over my two girls. I am genuinely sorry for those women who are not able to conceive but there is no need to badmouth all mothers. Trust me when I tell you... no matter how much attention we seem to get in public we pay for it hundredfold in our own homes. In our own homes we are nothing more than cooks and cleaners for our children. We get covered in every bodily excretion there is on a weekly basis. We rarely get a full nights sleep and our work is NEVER done. The amount of laundry alone is staggering. I sometimes wonder if they will ever STOP being parasites!
For all that it is not something to get a medal over, MB121 is correct... we CHOSE this life. But please don't condemn us for accepting a little praise now and then... after all, you are praised for YOUR hard work on your career. You even get promotions AND you get paid. I am not saying we mothers need CONSTANT attention (far from it) but the occasional recognition is nice.
I will be one of the first to admit the I LOVED being pregnant. It was one of the few times in my life when I haven't felt like I needed to hide my body (I have always been a little on the chubby side) and I can definitely understand how women can get hooked on it. That being said, I think that the media plays a large role in how "serious" this issue is. Pregnancy would seem a lot less glamorous if the media would stop covering every aspect of a celebrities upcoming child.
As for the "attention getting nature of pregnant women"... I definitely don't think that most women get pregnant as a way of getting attention. Nor do I think most of us use our children to purposely get attention when we are out. A mother with children is often too busy to care or sometimes even notice whether she is the center of attention. I for one am slightly uncomfortable and impatient when some stranger comes up to us in the store and wants to gush over my two girls. I am genuinely sorry for those women who are not able to conceive but there is no need to badmouth all mothers. Trust me when I tell you... no matter how much attention we seem to get in public we pay for it hundredfold in our own homes. In our own homes we are nothing more than cooks and cleaners for our children. We get covered in every bodily excretion there is on a weekly basis. We rarely get a full nights sleep and our work is NEVER done. The amount of laundry alone is staggering. I sometimes wonder if they will ever STOP being parasites!
For all that it is not something to get a medal over, MB121 is correct... we CHOSE this life. But please don't condemn us for accepting a little praise now and then... after all, you are praised for YOUR hard work on your career. You even get promotions AND you get paid. I am not saying we mothers need CONSTANT attention (far from it) but the occasional recognition is nice.
As the mother of 5 children (and most definitely NOT a bumpaholic) I find this article very interesting. Some women, myself included, have children to fulfill what we consider to be a commandment from God. He commanded Adam and Eve to multiply and replenish the earth; that commandment has never been rescinded. Although it's not easy by any stretch of the imagination to have a large family, I find it fulfilling and rewarding. Having children with my husband has strengthened our relationship and we look forward to oodles of grandchildren!
Finally some truth about the attention-getting nature of pregnant women. Personally, I can't stand to see them in the grocery store or anywhere else in their provocative clothing, feigning not to be noticed all the while they are rubbing their bellies and making it quite obvious to everyone around them that they are pregnant when the others are not. Same thing with moms of babies and little kids - still, all the attention needs to be on how great they are because they could reproduce. The kids can act like selfish brats but the conversation has to revolve around how cute they are, what a great family they are, etc. Sorry, but I don't need to feed into that. More of these people should understand how heartbreaking infertility is and be more sensitive that not everyone is able to easily reproduce. It's not something to get a medal over. I completely agree that the people I know who keep getting pregnant are the ones who do not have good marriages, don't want to be a professional after all, and feed off their new clique of pampering mothers. That's enough to make me sick in the mornings.
What exactly is wrong with getting and liking the attention that a pregnant women receives? After all, it is a wonderful miracle that we perform by having the ability to create life. Sure some women may do it for the wrong reasons like stated in the article-but they wouldn't do it for attention if it didn't work. I loved being pregnant, and didn't go around looking for attention-but got more than my share of it. And loved it-and don't feel guilty about it at all!!
This smacks of breederism. Being pregnant is romanticized by most of the population. In truth the body treats a pregnancy like an infection. That being said: Most of the women in the article are attention mongers. They always need to be validated and popping out kid after kid after kid is the easiest and most society accepted way. Even the "pitfalls" of pregnancy can garner a woman the attention she craves. And it should be said that all that complaining about "near-constant morning sickness, constipation, heartburn, acne, running to the bathroom every 5 minutes, dizziness, forgetfulness, and mood swings" are moot. You're the one that got pregnant. Deal with it and stop complaining.
I find it difficult to believe pregnancy "addiction" is prevalent or would even qualify as a trend. I'm guessing all of the multiples have a lot more to do with fertility drugs than an honest desire to have 8 kids. Yes, getting attention is nice, but pregnancy is hardly a walk
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